I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
