I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
