My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
