capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
