The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize