Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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