On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
