Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
