I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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