this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
