How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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