I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
