Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
