I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
