and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
