Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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