I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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