did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
