Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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