Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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