The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
