remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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