And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So apparently I’m into choking now
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