Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
