Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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