seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
