we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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