He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
