You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
