If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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