just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
