I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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