By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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