last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
