we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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