i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
