I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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