how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
