i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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