I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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