just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need to align my fucking chakras
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
