is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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