he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My bed smells like the plague
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
