1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
