It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can text with my tongue
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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