roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
