I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
