Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
