M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.