well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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