When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
