If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
