I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
