All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize