Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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