I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
