he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize