Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
