I'm sorry my penis didn't work
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
