I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
