I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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