p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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