You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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