yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
