Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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